X-Men Apocalypse (2016) review

Ermagherd look its the mans with the x's!!!

May is just jampacked with movies isn't it? Well here we have another great superhero movie from the mans with the x's or X-Men. There are many reasons to like this movie and for me personally just two reasons to kind of not like it. Look, the fight scenes did feel a little underwhelming but that might be cause this movie tried to set itself from the other two colossi, of course I'm talking about Batman V Superman and Civil War. Instead of amazing fight scenes the whole movie was dedicated to exploring more of each character except the two characters I will talk about later. Now onto the good-stuff.

Michael Fassbender can do no wrong can he?

First I have to talk about Fassbender's tortured and reluctant Magneto. The character starts out trying his best to live a normal life. Blending in and really just trying to live the way "God intended" but oh no, yokle locals had to get involved. The hurt and torture in this movie really illustrate Magneto's pain and purpose which sets him a tier above the other characters. Fassbender carries this character into the stratosphere with his perfect performance and it only gets better as the movie progresses.

The Quicksilver sequence!

I did not expect Bryan Singer to top the Quicksilver sequence from Days of Future Past (2014) but by God did he do it. This sequence was brilliant. The bulldog, how he watched out for each student with precision, and also how time was factored into the whole scene. Also Evan Peters is just the right guy to play Quicksilver, so all of that mix for a great addition to the movie.

Archangel was the harbinger of greatness

Ben Hardy had a fantastic performance as Angel even though his character was not showcased enough. He started out brash and ready to mess the whole world up but then got broken down and went back into prominence in the few scenes that were centered around him. Also, Metallica. The scene where Apocalypse (Oscar Isaac), Storm (Alexandra Shipp), and Psylocke (Olivia Munn) are recruiting him, Metallica's "Four Horsemen" is playing in the background setting the tone perfectly. That has to be my favorite scene in the whole movie. 

They did not give Apocalypse enough sinister scenes. LOOK YOU MADE HIM SAD!!!

As my caption indicates, Apocalypse was not given enough solo scenes to really display his sinister presence. I felt like Oscar Isaac could have done so well with this character if given enough scenes to really display how ominous and scary Apocalypse can be. Other than that, Isaac did a bang-up job and I commend him for his efforts. (Not that that matters.)

Yes, I am gonna riff on Psylocke

Not necessarily on Olivia Munn's performance because she was just given a Megan Fox-esque  role. The role of "eye candy". Psylocke is much more than that. Now the only movie I've seen Olivia Munn in other than this one is Ride Along 2 where she played a similar role. There were many scenes where she was just standing there staring at various things silently, kind of like the vampires from Dracula 2000 (and for the love of God, don't watch Dracula 2000, you won't have enough bleach). 

Haha! No Entertainment Weekly watermark!

Overall I'd recommend you do actually check this movie out. The critic reviews are really unfair at this point, yet they may mellow out later when more critics see the movie. Other good things I should point out was Alexandra Shipp's arabic. It was done so well, since I have Egyptian friends who talk with a similar dialect. Also James McAvoy's performance was kicked up another notch, so thanks James. I just wished Kurt Wagner would have said "Get to the choppa!!" at one point. Also Cyclops was a bit annoying at times. Going from the high school kid we should feel bad for to just an all around prick. Eitherway this was a good movie. Four sand beheadings out of four!!

Bruce Almighty (2003) review

B-E-A-Utiful...

Calling this movie a laugh-out-loud classic would be criminal. Bruce Nolan (Jim Carrey) constantly complains about his problems in life. The anchorman job that eludes him, daily traffic, and so on. Given how everyone seems to allude to God controlling fate and all that happens, on his worst day Bruce finally snaps and tells God "The gloves are off!". This causes God (Morgan Freeman) to call Bruce to an abandoned building only to bestow upon him all his powers. Will he use his powers to help mankind or for personal gain?

Jennifer Aniston is one in this comedic ensemble

This movie is brilliant. Without really intending it, it brings together 4 amazing comedic actors that make it a delight all the way through. Jim Carrey seems in as comfortable as ever bringing about another comedy classic. Jennifer Aniston plays the innocent Grace Connelly to counter-act the movie's comedic take on the hopelessness of life itself. Morgan Freeman delivers the "God Quips" with perfection, specially with the Gandhi remark. And Steve Carell shines like always. This was one of his earliest in a extended line of golden performances. This movie foretold of his greatness. It does not stop being funny and the overall story is one with a proper start and finish. All the characters change through the course of it and it also doesn't take itself seriously which only adds to the fantastic humor. I give it 10 golden calves out of 10! (That reference was just spot-on)

Steve Carell as Evan Baxter

Morgan Freeman as God and Jim Carrey as Bruce Nolan

Batman v Superman Dawn of Justice (2016) review

A good fan made poster. So good, it looks professional

Maybe you've seen it, maybe you haven't but this review will include a lot of spoilers. Since I saw it three times to make sure I completely grasp the concept (and generally because it is a fun time at the theaters) I would have to dissect the movie piece by piece to make this review as true to the movie as possible. Let's start with the negatives.
First things first, the trailers. My God they could have really shown less. I mean almost every Wonder Woman scene (in costume) was already in the trailers. Although she was still badass as hell, a little more mystery would have been better. Also revealing Doomsday was a bad idea. The conflict was already there. Superman saved Metropolis but at what cost? Done, just put down the release date and that's a wrap. Imagine if you were watching the film and suddenly Doomsday pops out?! That would be fantastic but you went in expecting him. Another flaw was the showing of a Justice League beta in the trailer. The trailer should have only briefly elaborated on the first phrase "Batman V Superman". That's that, it should not have shown them teaming up. However this is a much more massive issue within the film industry as many movies (ex. Avengers: Age of Ultron showing the Hulk and Hulkbuster fight scene or Terminator: Genesys spoiling John Connor being a Terminator) tend to show "too much" and take away from the perfect movie going experience a movie goer could have. Hence why I avoid second trailers like the plague.

Tao Okamoto as Mercy Graves

Second things second, Mercy Graves. Played by Tao Okamoto, this character is ominously and quietly introduced and then taken away just like that. I mean the potential of a great performance and characterization reveal was humongous here. What if she was just as messed up as Lex Luthor but covered it? Or maybe she served as his handler? Now we will never know cause she never said more than a few words before she was killed in an explosion that, while it served a great purpose in the storytelling, could have easily been avoided. The silver lining here is that there is more added to Jesse Eisenberg's Lex Luthor as he sacrifices those closest to him to achieve his goals.

Another fan-made photo, this time of Ray Fisher's Cyborg

Another problem with the movie was how they introduced Cyborg. It was extremely sudden while it was elaborated in the same way long origin stories are made. In comparison with the other introduction footage of Aquaman (Jason Momoa) and The Flash (Ezra Miller), it played all its cards too early. What they could have done would have been show him in some underground fight club fighting with a hoodie on until his hoodie fell off and he was revealed or something of the like. It should have been more mysterious like the other heroes introduced. The mysterious cube which may have ties to Darkseid should not have been shown as a part of the vignettes but rather in the movie coming up in 2020.

Now onto the good.

Jesse Eisenberg explored a new Lex Luthor

Jesse Eisenberg brought onto screen a terrifying performance as Lex Luthor. Royaly messed up, daddy-issues fueled, he seemed like an amalgamation of Alex and Lex Luthor. Alex Luthor is Lex's son who starts out as a hero but in the events of Infinite Crisis goes insane and attempts to kill his dad (no comic book spoilers here). He seemed like the perfect balance of both. Meticulous, cold, calculating, insane, psychotic, and an observer of the bigger picture. Very early on you can tell  he has seen something no one else has. He knows things no one else knows. And in addition with the ending prison scenes and the deleted "Communion" scene, it is all explained further. Jesse Eisenberg showed a dark side that I did not believe he had in him. He was a risk DC took and it has paid off in spades.

The Batmobile is one of the many things that illustrate Zack Snyder's genius

The batmobile was fantastic. It was different yet familiar. It did not step on Christopher Nolan's tumbler and it did not copy the older versions of the batmobiles. It was truly something original that only added to the movie. Henry Cavill's Superman displays more characteristics that truly set Snyder's Superman apart from other Supermans. The anticipated battle is every bit as good as the hype made it sound like with awesome sequences that just left me cheering in my seat. Another factor that puts this movie in the "Smart" category of super hero movies is the amount of references scattered across the movie. The Omega symbol in Batman's dream (or possible flashback). Man-Bat appearing in his nightmare. The Jason Todd Robin costume spray painted courtesy of The Joker. I mean I can just go on and on but those were the most obvious ones. That can also be listed as a flaw as it alienated the general movie goers, however we have too many movies that cater to everyone and almost completely neglect the comics (Deadpool being a prime example). The darkness in this movie is another triumph as it really makes you think about the current world. "20 years in Gotham Alfred, How many good guys are left? How many stayed that way?" The sex trafficker, the other line by Anatoli Knyazev (Callan Mulvey) "Now we say goodbye, and every time we say good bye you die a little." I mean the darkness is real. Again that is what sets this movie apart from the other light hearted super hero movies that have flooded the market.

And Finally Ben Affleck's Batman!

Here he is as Bruce Wayne

My God, what can I say? He was perfect. He was definitely a better Bruce Wayne than Christian Bale and he truly captured the character. His Batman was literally lifted off the glorious pages of The Dark Knight Returns. Truly his performance was flawless and so on point I cannot criticize it in any way. Also this is the Batman that has not been explored. The older Batman. The one who has lost hope in society after seeing its ugliest sides. He kills, brands people and has really embraced the messed-up-ness of the world rather than just pretend it does not exist and man is good. It is a more realistic Batman if that case can be made and so true to the character, it is hard for me to imagine anyone playing the character after Ben Affleck is done with it. 

Frank Miller fans rejoice

Overall this was a true blast at the theater and I really do not understand the hate surrounding the film. There of course is the obvious stigma against the Zack Snyder name. Almost any work he has done is immediately tarnished by his name being there. It is kind of like Michael Bay's name but not as justified. Zack Snyder has made cinematic masterpieces that will not be realized in his lifetime. Which is pretty sad when you think about it. I enjoyed this film, a great launchpad for the DC extended universe, solid cinematography, fantastic sound, and an all round triumph. I salute all those who worked on this fantastic film.

Taxi Driver (1976) review

Classic Mohawk

I'm not going to get into details about this movie because the less you know about it the more mind blowing the ending gets. The basic plot you may want to know is as follows. Travis Bickle (Robert De Niro) is a Vietnam War veteran who cannot sleep and rides around the city at night to tire himself out. He gets a job as a New York cab driver in order to make a living off of his unsuccessful attempts. While driving around the city and seeing the populous' true colors, he confronts moral tendencies he did not question as much in the past.

Now there may be spoilers after this point...

There's no one else around so you must be talkin' to me.

What can I say about this masterpiece that has not been said before? De Niro turns in one of his many fantastic performances with Scorsese's always masterful directing approach. The lines and the script of Paul Schrader prove to be a major part that makes this a triumph to witness. Jodie Foster as Iris is another shocking performance that really makes one question how messed up the world really is. You observe a 12-year-old prostitute who only wants to stay away from her parents and has her mind shaped by the manipulative "pimp" Sport (Harvey Keitel). Every one of the actors in this movie goes a 100% and coupling that with the "can-do-no-wrong" directing of Martin Scorsese one of the greatest pieces of film is born. I definitely recommend you see this movie if it shows up on your Netflix queue.

Drunken Master (1978) review

Jackie Chan in his prime

.Wong Fei-Hung (Jackie Chan) is a spoiled martial artist who lives under the shadow of his rich father Wong Kei-ying (Kau Lam) but one day while he's in the market he picks on a girl who turns and her mother fights him. He loses, but it turns out she was his aunt. Now his father disowns him and he has to go into training to win back his father's favor.

Wong Fei-hung vs. Thunderleg (Jang Lee Hwang)

This movie is the best comedy around. It is just pure cocaine of laughter. It has a ridiculously well done amount of amazing fights all round the movie. Just the humor of this movie is timeless (I watched it last night). The finish pays off purely. Su Hua chin plays a hilarious character as well with great bits with Chan. It also immediately builds up characters  such as Thunderleg killing a martial arts champion for $400 at the beginning of the movie. It doesn't skip the essential emotions needed to make a martial arts movie. The scene where Wong gets beat up by Thunderleg and loses his arrogance and runs to Sam Seed to be trained was just great.

The Karate Kid (1984) review

You're the best, around.

In the sense of the word, this movie was pretty dope. It's a time capsule of the 80's. Now after the disaster of synopsis' that I have ever done are better unwritten, so let's just write a tiny one. So Daniel (Ralph Macchio) moves into San Fernando Valley, he falls in love with Ali (Elisabeth Shue) who is the ex-girlfriend of cool-kid Johnny (William Zabka) who knows Karate. Now Mr. Miyagi (Noriyuki Morita) who is the handy man at Daniel's new home will teach him Karate to win the tournament against Johnny's dojo, helmed by Kreese (Martin Kove) a 'murican man!

Daniel, I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I didn't mean it!

It doesn't really matter what I think of this movie because everyone gave it critical acclaim and I'm just going to do the same. I don't know what I can say about this movie that you haven't heard but here we go. The soundtrack was amazing. The training sequence and the whole montage was extremely well done and the teenage love thing was actually not annoying. My dark horse favorite part was when Bobby (Ron Thomas) is forced by Kreese to disqualify himself by destroying Daniel's calves. He immediately starts shouting I'm sorry Daniel, I was forced to do it. This was just a fantastically done sequence of true emotion. From start to finish, this was just an impactful movie and mark it here and now, inspired me to go forth and train Taekwondo.

Money In The Bank (2011) review

Big Show on the poster

Match #1: Heath Slater vs. Kane vs. Wade Barrett vs. Sheamus vs. Cody Rhodes vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Sin Cara vs. Justin Gabriel

Now, you might say, why is there a picture of Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater trying to grab the briefcase. It's because the neckbreaker off the ladder was just my favorite spot. The entire match had a pretty amount of great bumps. botches were scarce and Daniel Bryan winning the briefcase was a well booked finish. Before this there was an amazing CM Punk  vs John Cena promo package. Wade Barrett looks suave as ever, certainly as suave as ever. Interestingly Heath Slater came out to the theme from his team with Gabriel "Black or White" by Bleeding in Stereo but Gabriel came out to Otunga's theme, it kind of made me laugh. There was a pretty smart ladder spot when Sin Cara went for the typical baseball slide into the ladder held by Gabriel and Slater but then the pulled the ladder up and then Sin Cara just slid out of the ring and out of the barricade. There was a surprisingly athletic springboard corkscrew plancha by Slater which took out the grotesque, Rhodes. But the highlight that people probably remember from this match, other than Bryan winning, was Sheamus knocking Sin Cara out with a Brogue Kick and then powerbombing him through a ladder, sending him backstage on a stretcher. Later on, there was a pretty nasty bump when Sheamus and Kane did the doomsday device on Bryan, almost killing him. Throughout the match, Kane was pretty dominant, dishing out chokeslams from hell to everyone. He also got a pretty descent pop. Another nasty spot was Sheamus Bicycle kicking a ladder into Barrett's face. As much as Sheamus was dealing out bumps, he took a chokeslam off the ladder and onto another ladder wedged between a corner and ladder step. Another highlight was Gabriel doing a 450 Splash from the top of a horizontal ladder on the top rope and which was pretty impressive. A nice Pumphandle Slam by Barrett deserves a mention. In one of the strong spots on in the match, Bryan put Rhodes in a Guillotine Choke on top of the ladder while Barrett scrambles to get the briefcase off the distraction. The last part was Bryan hitting a pretty strong roundhouse kick on Barrett's cranium, knocking him off the ladder and cementing his name in the history of the WWE SmackDown briefcase. As evident by how much I could write about this single match, I really loved it.

Match #2: Kelly Kelly (c) w/Eve Torres vs. Brie Bella w/Nikki Bella

K2 by Kelly Kelly

This match was pretty short. I like Kelly Kelly and I think if they had it going on longer, the Divas could showcase more of their wrestling skills. The leg drop bulldog pictured above was the wrestling highlight of the match. Also there was a little funny quote from Nikki, justifying Brie's loss, "She doesn't even eat!"

Match #3: Big Show vs. Mark Henry

The World's Strongest Slam didn't work its magic

This match started even but then there were two falling powerslams but to make sure he stood down (like I do on wrestling games so the opponent would stay on the table and wouldn't move). There were two more World's Strongest Splash by Henry to solidify a win. Again, a short match but the running splash at the end could have been done with a little resistance from Big Show. Henry beat up Show to a pulp and basically obliterated him. But the post match assault made a funny yet bad spot. Henry tries to solidify his territory in the WWE jungle, he wedged Big Show's leg in a steel chair. Then he slingshotted off the ropes onto Show's leg. Now, this is just pure speculation, but I think Henry botched it. It looked like it had to be a lighter splash but it turned into a double knee drop creating a FATALITY!!!!!! This lead to a funny moment of Big Show keeping himself but then yelling F*ck. It looked like a bad situation and it became funny.

Match #4: Evan "Air" Bourne vs. Jack Swagger vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Alberto Del Rio vs. "The Truth" R-Truth vs. Alex Riley vs. The Miz vs. Rey Mysterio for the RAW Money In The Bank Briefcase

619 on the LADDER!!!!!! This is back when Rey was athletic as hell

The start was something else. Everyone started grabbing ladders to combat everyone. This match was filled with more spots rather than bumps. Kofi and Bourne held a ladder and then Rey jumps off the ladder and hurricanrana sending his opponent out. While everyone is on the outside Bourne did a Shooting Star Press off a pretty high ladder. In this match Kofi was nothing short of Spider-man in the match. There were many nasty falls though which looked more like botches than intentional. Del Rio almost broke Miz's knee by pulling the ladder and Miz grabbing the briefcase for a moment. The end came when Del rio unmasked Rey on the top off the ladder, tossed him off but that caused his ladder to fall. He had to put it back up and then took the briefcase.

Match #5: Randy Orton (c) vs. Christian for the World Heavyweight Championship, in case of Orton getting disqualified or poor officiating Christian would win the belt

Christian wins the BELT!!!!

There's a terrifying and brutal moment in the match where Christian did a diving headbutt. Orton kicks out of a Killswitch. Lawler mistakes the gutwrench elevated neckbreaker for an RKO which is forgivable . In the end Christian spat in Orton's mouth and got Orton mad who kicked him in the man bits which caused Christian wins the belt on the special stipulation. I personally prefer Christian to The Viper because he is just a better performer. Orton didn't take the loss lightly and hit Christian across the face with a TV monitor. Two RKO's on the announcers table sends the Chicago crowd into chaos. In the replay it looked like it was Orton's fault with him pulling his head up in the last moment. Anyway, it was a descent match.

Main Event: John Cena (c) vs. CM Punk for the WWE Championship, if Cena lost he would be fired

CM Punk sets up the Go to Sleep

The promo package is outstanding editing. There was a point where Michael Cole said Cena has never been in such an environment (in enemy territory), which just reminded me of 2006 when Cena took on Rob Van Dam in the Hammerstein Ballroom at ECW One Night Stand 2006. At that event there wasn't a single Cena fan in that crowd but there were a couple in MITB. Also Cole starts mentioning great WWE champions but he forgot Mick Foley. There were two Juggalos in the crowd. I don't know what purpose did the RAW General Manager laptop and podium serve. There was a pretty brutal spot in the ring. Cena was on the apron and then Punk did a diving knee drop to the back of Cena's head. Another awesome spot was the suplex to the outside, which I have always seen attempted but never actually done. The entire grappling of this match was five star. There's a moment when Cena put Punk in the STF but then Punk masterfully switches it into an Anaconda Vise. Cena later powers out and hits an AA. There was a moment where Punk hit the GTS but Cena fell out of the ring. Then Vince McMahon shows up which almost makes the Chicago Screwjob a reality but Cena punches Laurinaites in the face but as soon as he gets back in, out of the distraction, Punk hits the Go To Sleep.